Disney Villians Anonymous
by Actual Pirate Sarah
Summary: The Villains go to a Convention to change their ways, for the most part. Hi, I'm Actual Pirate Sarah, and I don't own Disney. Reviews will be returned, thanks!
1. Chapter 1

**Well, would you look where I ended up! The Disney forum! This'll be fun!**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT, under any circumstances EVER, Walt Disney. What are you thinking?**

**AN: Hey! It is my special updating week! Check out my other stories for laughs, talking carrots, dudes named Bill, shrunken heads, prank laws, and much more! So, without further ado, I present to you…**

**Disney Villains Anonymous**

**Maleficent P.O.V.**

I grumbled and stepped into my limo. Yes, I do have a limo. How dare my minion suggest I go to this, this…what did they say it was again? You know what; I don't think they even told me. What they _did _tell me, however is that it will "Help" me. I don't need help. All I need to do is get that Sleeping "Beauty" to fall asleep and never wake up! I let out an evil giggle. It's like an evil laugh, but without all that "Mwahahaha" stuff. Darn it! My imbecile minion heard me.

"Now, now," it said, squirting me with a squirt gun.

"How dare you-" I began. My minion cut me off. Remind me to cut off its _head._

"You know you're trying to turn around your evil life and get a respectable job as a spinning wheel maker. You can't do that if you continue giggling evilly." Humph. Stupid minion. I smoothes my hood-thingy over my head.

"Don't you get it? I _can't_ be good. I'm physically incapable." My minion raised an eyebrow.

"That's why I brought you here." It pulled up to a rec place or something.

**Cruella DeVil **

I smirked. There, sitting on the street, in a cardboard box, was a beautiful coat-I mean puppy. I glanced left and right, no sign of my henchmen. For some reason, they wanted to be _good_. That's crazy, isn't it? I mean, it's _good_ to be _bad._ I reached down and scooped up the puppy. My, it was small. It should just be a nice pair of gloves. Or a handbag, possibly. Just then, I heard a voise.

"No! You're to stay twenty feet away from any animal at all times!" My stupid henchman shouted. People immediately gave me mean looks. Hey, it isn't my fault I have taste.

"What, did the make a restraining order?" I hissed sarcastically, through my gritted teeth.

"My henchmen whispered to each other. One was clutching a flier. Finally, they spoke to me.

"Boss, we think we should go…somewhere." Somewhere? What do they mean?

"Where?" I demanded.

"….uh, a taxidermist convention." How lame. The annual Taxidermist Convention was last month, I'm not an idiot. However, I played dumb.

"Sure. I could use some dead animals." I hopped into my car. For the moderately long ride, I sat in confusion, wondering where it was we were going. Soon, we pulled up to some sort of recreational center, and Maleficent staring at the building in disgust.

**There you are people! Tell me how you like it! I plan on updating tomorrow or the next day. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Nope. **

**AN: Why, hello! Sorry for the wait, I've been working on this for a couple days. I'd like to thank my first 4 reviewers, you guys rock!**

**CentaurGirl: Thanks, you were an inspiration, awesome review, sister. (Metaphorical sister) **

**AngelOfDarkness1959: I'm glad you liked it. I shall indeed continue.**

**Daydreamer747: Yes, I'm sensing this will get out of hand quite soon…**

**DisneyPrincess: So sorry, I don't know that villain. *sniff* BUT, I will try to include the most memorable of villains in my story! Wait! You gave me an idea! I will share it with you all at the end of this chapter!**

**To the other 15-20 people that read, (Yes, my account ****does**** show me) Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy it, read and review!**

**Cruella Devil POV  
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I noticed Maleficent glaring at the large building with deep hatred. I walked over to her.

"My wretched minion." She spat. I didn't understand that in the slightest. But, of course, I wouldn't admit that.

"Hmmm?" Jafar somehow appeared behind us. Either that or he was really quiet.

"My minion. He convinced me to come to this." Jafar sighed over-dramatically.

"I knew this would be amusing." Man, this dude is weird. Who says, "Amusing"? I rolled my eyes. I just want to know where I was.

"What do you mean by that? Where are we?" I asked. Jafar rolled his eyes.

"Can you not _read_?" He asked, pointing to a large sign. It read, "Villains Anonymous" Oh, come on! My henchmen dragged me all the way here for this?

"I'm leavi-where's my car?" They took it. I should fire them. I heard a car pull up behind me. And who could it be but drama queen.

**Stepmother POV**

My two lovely daughters and I pulled the car up to a strange building. I was just going to drive the girls up to the building, drop them off, (it's for the best) and leave. I didn't expect to see _her_ there. That crazy old lady with horrid hair and an unfashionable fur coat. I stepped out of my car and walked up to her. She glowered at me and I said,

"My, is your hair natural, Cruella, or did you get electrocuted?" She raised an eyebrow. She sneered and said,

"How's your step-daughter?" She snapped her fingers. "Oh! I remember! Didn't she get married to the prince of your land, even though you hopelessly tried to get him married to them?" She dismissively gestured to my daughters.

"How about you just-" Suddenly, we were ushered into the building. The large crowd that accumulated while we were talking shoved me to the entrance. We all went in, down a hall, and into a large room with a metal detector, a table, and many chairs. We all took our seats.

**AN: Okay, so it's short. But, please tell me, what villains do you think should be attending? Tell me in your reviews (Along with your thoughts on the story) and I just might include it! **

**Governor's Pirate Girl**

**PLEASE review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: You people know the drill: I don't own Disney!**

**AN: Oh No! My story "Stoll Brothers Rules to Lying and Stealing" Is beating this story in reviews by two! Will you let this happen? NO! C'mon people, let's review! Now on to the reviews I got!**

**AngelOfDarkness1959: I just thought they would make great enemies, thanks! (You're right, that counselor better watch out!)**

**DisneyPrincess: You are awesome! Thank you so much!**

**CentaurGirl: Well, fashion's just your thing. I know have technology problems as well. Dang computer! ;) Thanks for the compliments!**

**Plus, I've taken all of my reviewers' requests into account. Sorry if they're not all here. Enjoy! P.S.: I decided to add lyrics from a Guns 'n Roses song, "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" I Don't know why, I just wanted to. Tell me a good song in your reviews, and I might add some lyrics in the following chapters. By the way, so sorry for the wait. I owe you all like 50 bucks. I hope this chapter makes it up to you…**

**Hades POV**

I, along with the rest of the group were ushered into the room. Man, it was a dump. Not even ONE instrument of torture! Despicable!

Okay, I'll admit, I wasn't properly dressed. I didn't see this support group thing coming, so I was wearing a t-shirt that read:

"Come to the Dark Side, We Have Cookies!" I love that shirt! I walked into the room, and (surprisingly) passed through the metal detector. Others weren't as lucky…HA! Over the speaker a song came on.

_Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's do-o-or_.

Holy crap! What a horrible yet strangely appealing voice!

Suddenly, the song stopped, and a wheezy voise came over,

"A-attention, Villains. I w-will be meeting with you sh-shortly." He sounded nervous. I wonder why. I mean, he's just going to be trying to calm down a bunch of dangerous, oh, never mind. Just then, Ursula leaned over to me and whispered,

"Maleficent is going to incite a riot at 3:30, Pass it on." What is this, kindergarten? Nonetheless, I leaned over to the villain next to me.

**Lampwick POV (This is for you, you know who you are!)**

Hades told me the cranky old lady's gonna in-sight a riot, whatever that means. He told me to pass it on, so I told Mother Gothel. I don't know if she heard me, she was muttering curses to a guy named Flynn. Ah, reminds me of kindergarten. The "telephone" thing, not the curses.

So, you're wondering why I'm here, right? No? Oh, well, I'm telling you anyway.

Apparently, I'm some kind of "juvenile delinquent" Which totally doesn't make sense cause I'm a perfect angel…

**AN: It' very short, I know. This is pretty much a little chapter to see if I get any reviews. If I don't, I'll end the story. So if you want to continue, review! How will I know people like it if there aren't any reviews! Thank you for reading my small rant. You get a cupcake.**


	4. Chapter 4

**So it's been a while, I know. I've been a jerk, and you lovely people have been putting up with me. I apologize profusely. On the bright side, chapter four is a go!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! My new school year's resolution is to get back on the ball with this writing thing!**

**Stepmother (****Lady Tremaine)** **P.O.V.**

"Malefi-whatever is rioting soon." An elderly lady hissed to me. I recognized her as Rapunzel's mum. Gosh, she looked old, ew. At least I looked good at my age. My eyes shifted to Cruella. What was she, 80? Geeze, all that grey hair! Well, technically black and white, but that makes grey, right? After establishing that I was clearly the best looking villain there, I heard that old lady whisper

"Pass it on." Jafar was sitting stiffly next to me. He was stroking his ridiculous looking beard, seeming interested in whatever pigwash the wheezy man was muttering through the speakers. In reality, I could see him fishing a small lamp out of his pocket with his other hand. What does this joker have in mind? With his (presumably genie-filled) lamp, and Maleficant's upcoming riot, this "intervention" could be a bit more interesting than I had thought. I decided not to pass on the message of the riot, just to make things a bit more interesting. Finally, I figured I might as well pay at least a little attention to our host, who was muttering something along the lines of:

"Th-thank you all-l for wa-aiting." He clearly gulped. "Uhh, all of the vil-villains have, um, arrived, so you can, uh, make your way-y to-o the main room." I laughed inwardly. What a dork. I could imagine the look on his face when the villains let all hell break loose! Everyone stood up and shuffled into the main room, which was large and lined with chairs, all facing a podium in the middle. We took our seats. I sat next to Lampwick, which was an immediate disaster. He was currently muttering something about tangerines. What?

**Lampwick P.O.V**

The flavor of paradise…

**Lady Tremaine**** P.O.V**

Anyways, I watched the other villains sit down. Maleficant sat next to Jafar, and they were deep in conversation. Probably sharing nefarious schemes, lovely. On the other side of me sat Hades, looking bored, as usual. Despite the upcoming riots, I had a feeling this was gonna be a long day. I tapped my fingers on my cheek. Cruella sat down last, huffing.

"Wow," I whispered to Hades, "Get a load of the Devil's manicure. What is this, the Dark Ages?" I laughed. Hades turned to me, his head cocked, completely confused and slightly insulted.

"Who are you calling the Devil?" He wondered aloud. Oh, whoops.

"Sorry Hades." I muttered. He just shook his head and turned to Randall, who was sitting next to him, scowling. They were proabaly talking about sports or something. Psshh, men.

**Hades P.O.V.**

I turned to Randall, fed up with the Tacky Stepmother or whoever that was. Who did she think she is, calling Cruella the Devil. Hello-o? I'm sitting right next to her. Besides, Cruella's manicure was actually a really timeless design. Geeze, ladies are so catty.

**AN: This is pretty short, I know. But it's longer than the past three chapters, at least **

**I'll be updating soon, hopefully. If you like this, review! Also, it would be amazing if you hopped on over to and checked out my original stories. My penname is Actual Pirate Sarah there, too. Reviews would be soooooo great **

**See you lovely readers later!**


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